Hello,

This is a letter to anyone who cares a little too much about the opinions of others too much, whether it niggles in the back of your mind or you question your actions and choices because of what other people will think about you or say. I don’t think this is a terrible thing, maybe it shows that we value other people’s opinions and can learn from them – let us learn from them about important matters and not the nature of being you. I think it is probably a common thing because maybe deep down we all strive to be liked and that’s possibly why we care so much, or there’s the age-old worry of not wanting to let other people down. Maybe we get waves of worry that occur at different parts of our life, in different situations and around different people. Maybe it is just a consuming thought that we have to learn to deal with. And maybe that is all okay.

Whilst in a gift shop on a family holiday I once read a quote that said life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself. As a younger Lia I didn’t really get it, everyone always said oh you’ll find yourself as you get older which just seems crazy because, was I really lost? What is it to find yourself, do you wander down the street, bump into someone and suddenly go “oh yeah that’s me” or is it a series of challenges that you have to go through and collect gold rings and if you get them all then ding ding ding, you’ve found yourself. Because it all just seems so silly. And does it mean that all the years of your life that occurred before you “found yourself” were a waste because that wasn’t really you? And what about the people that never find themselves because they get lost along the way or really, they do not care to know?

Life is a rollercoaster (as Ronan Keating sang) and there’s going to be people who hop on and off along the way. The only person who is going to stay on your rollercoaster, through every single up and down and twist and turn, is you. That may be a terrifying thought and alarm bells may be sounding like “ahhh get me off this thing”, but you will be okay. Every bad day you’ve had so far, you’re still here and standing and that itself is a testament to how strong you are.

It is easy to sit here and type “don’t care what people think about you!!!” and it’s just as easy to think “oh I’m gonna stop caring” but then it gets difficult because the majority of our social interactions through big life events such as going to school tend to lead to us being either liked or disliked. And being liked or disliked at school was a big thing, you want to say it wasn’t because you want to say you care more about yourself than you do about what others think but it was a huge thing. You spent 5 days a week and at least 6 hours a day with these people and experienced the nightmare of puberty and everything and everyone changing. But school ends. So why doesn’t our need to feel liked? We could go so much deeper into this but quite frankly I do not have the answers to any of the questions. So instead I’ll move onto moving on.

Moving on from worrying about whether you’re going to be liked in a situation. It does not matter. I worried so much about being liked, and constantly questioning what I was going to say next and having a thought at the back of my head constantly going “they’re only sitting with you because they feel sorry for you” or something stupid like that. And how crazy is that? Missing out on just enjoying the moment and life itself because I’m too worried that the people I’m with don’t really like me. It just seems crazy. They’re sat with you for a reason, whether they’re enjoying your company or they’re going to mock you to others, at least they’re leaving someone else alone.

I’m constantly reminded that life is short, and you are not guaranteed a tomorrow. It can be taken from you in minutes with no warning. When I started to understand that, everything changed because I finally viewed it as my life. Not someone else’s opportunity to steal joy from me. I started to appreciate the everyday adventures and I started to do the things I want to do, not in a rush and constant worry of “oh my life might get cut short any day now” but because your life is about living. I’m not saying go and climb a mountain, or run a marathon, or swim with sharks. Unless you want to of course. I’m saying that life is way too short to spend your time worrying about what other people think of you, or your decisions. People come and go. The ones who love and adore you, will love and adore you regardless. It was once said in a brilliant film, “never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game”. A Cinderella Story, if you’re wondering.

So, go and be you. And be you in all your wonderful self. I don’t care that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, it would be weird if I was. I don’t care that people look at me when I’m dressed like a rainbow, as my Dad likes to put it, because I love colourful clothing. I don’t care that people look at me funny because I’m 21 and don’t drink that much or really have a desire to. I don’t care that people look at me and think I’m odd because I enjoy hobbies such as knitting at a young age – for the record, there’s no age restriction on knitting and colourful wool is brilliant for the soul. I don’t care because I am me and I love being me. I love helping others. I love laughing, especially at Friends reruns that I’ve seen countless times. I love the fact that we have to stay behind a bit at the cinema because I’m often crying too much at the film to think about moving. I love making gifts for people, often from the knitting. I love the fact that I care so much about other people and making them happy. So, yeah we may have these qualities that people look at and go “that’s weird”, but we also have these wonderful qualities. Celebrate them and celebrate you because you’re bloody brilliant. Don’t waste your life worrying about what other people think about you, please go and live your life for you and the choices you want to make and every little thing that makes you, you.

Here are some top tips from the lovely people who replied to my Instagram story asking for top tips for not caring what other people think about you:

• Be the best kind of you that you can.

This is important because from my own experience I have found that when I’m concentrating on my own development, I don’t really have time to worry about what other people are doing.

• Always remember that other people aren’t going to bring you happiness and success.

It’s all down to you!

• Just learn that your value isn’t determined upon other people’s inability to see your worth.

I love this! I often fail to remember it myself, but I’m trying.

• Remember the good things you are and do and always respond to situations with kindness.

This is one of my favourites and something I aim to remember.

• PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

Saying it as it is, be whoever you want to be. Don’t let anyone ruin it.

Really, I’m not expert and I don’t claim to be either, but I think it’s a shame that we all worry so much about trivial things such as being liked. Let us like ourselves enough to not be bothered. You can do it and you can smash it. Live your life how you want to and make memories. Please. It’s really too short to worry.

Thank you!

All my love,

Lia x