Good evening,

As I write this post, I can’t help but think how crazy it is that the last post I published was 21 things I learnt before 21 which was around my birthday a month ago. But does it feel like a month? No. It feels like 3 years rolled into one teeny tiny month and here we are, still unsure how long this is going to go on for and really unsure of everything at the minute. Does that sum it up? I wanted to come here just to pour my thoughts out because it is too easy to get consumed in what is happening.

If you’ve followed my blog for a while (or attempted to, can’t say I’ve been very consistent recently) then you will know I’m in my final year of university. I was already struggling with motivation for around a month before all this started to happen and I haven’t been the usual Lia, I’ve really enjoyed the challenge of first year and have been really interested in all my assignments but for the past few weeks they have been the biggest struggle. I like to work in the university library, I go into the quiet section and I like the computer in the corner. As I get there early, I sit and have my flask of tea and start to battle the tasks of the day. When they announced the library was closing it was not a surprise, but I still felt a pinch of sadness and deflated, and I have struggled to get going again. You see, I feel like I’ve had the end of my final year of university taken away from me. I already had plans for library sessions with my friends to help us cheer each other on, for that final push and to me, to spend as much time as I could with them before it all came to an end. If it wasn’t for the friends I made at uni, I wouldn’t have got to this stage of my degree and I just want to put them all in a room and tell them how wonderful they are and how much I appreciate them. University has been a big part of my life and everyone says it flies by, and it does, but no one ever says it just gets ripped away from you. Whilst I never intended on going around the library and saying goodbye to each individual computer, I just hoped I would the day I wasn’t going to get to go there again just so I could appreciate it more. You know, to have the last conversation with the cleaners in a morning, to know that this time when I waved my student card to get in, it was going to be the last time, to have one last library session with my friends and spend it laughing. I can only say that when all this is over, I hope to celebrate my time at uni with my friends. A bonus is that this week I finally found some motivation to get going and finish this bloody degree – stick around to see if it lasts.

Next up, we have the news. I can’t bring myself to watch it. I’m trying desperately not to be ignorant to the situation, but I feel like every time I sit down to watch the Downing Street briefing, I’m tuning in for another episode of some dystopian TV series. And people are saying that this virus can be fought off, but it isn’t as simple as that and maybe the thought of us being able to defeat it is what is getting people through it so I won’t judge them but I can’t comprehend any of it. No one knows how you are going to respond to this virus and that terrifies me. I still get to go to work as I work in a supermarket so I hoped it would be some form of normality, but it isn’t. Every time I set off I have so many what ifs zooming around my head because of the amount of people I’m going to come into contact with and the dread of how many people are going to be frustrated by the social distancing measures because yes, there’s been an outpour of loveliness and appreciation for us in our shop but unfortunately it is easier to focus on the one’s that are so horrible you have to take a minute to go and cry. Yesterday I had to laugh because I came to a cross roads on the way to work, so I stopped and checked other cars, like usual and as I pulled out someone was coming from the other side of the road and as we passed each other, they peered into my car, craning their neck and I almost felt guilty for being out the house and I just had to laugh because I was just speechless.

I love staying at home. Ask anyone, especially my Mum. But I love staying at home when I have the choice and I miss nipping out. I miss going for a drive and ending up people watching in the cinema car park or aimlessly wandering around the big Tesco. I miss going to town, being proud of myself for reverse parking in the new multi-storey (3 years and I still haven’t mastered it) and then going to change my books at the library and spending ages choosing new ones and hearing the conversations from the groups of old people having a laugh sat by the window. I miss waking up on a Sunday and thinking “ah I’ll go and see my nana and grandad later”. I miss going to the cinema and having to wait for everyone else to leave the film because I’m sobbing too much, and my boyfriend is laughing at me because “it wasn’t even sad”. I miss everything I took for granted.

Sit down for this one, I even miss the gym. I had finally started going again and got myself into a nice routine and had even bought some fancy gym leggings. So now I am adapting, I have found that it is quite fun to prance around to the Zumba videos on YouTube even though I cannot move like those instructors and instead resemble a pigeon that can only fly in a circle. I have found an interest in yoga and really look forward to doing it each day. I have found new spots in the garden to read my book in the sun. I am really trying to keep to a routine just so I can say I’ve done something, but I also know that I need days where I do nothing. Or at least don’t follow a to do list, I hate sitting still. I think many people need to remember this, right now no one cares about how productive you are. This is the weirdest time and who knows when things will change? If you want to learn that new language then hey, go ahead! But if you want to sit and binge watch Netflix all day, also go ahead.

I still have so much more to say, but I’m already on 1200 words so I am going to draw this to a close. If you want to have a chat, to pour your thoughts out, or to distract you from what is going on then please do not hesitate to message me. You can comment on this post, or message me through my Facebook page or send me a DM on Instagram. Let’s keep talking everyone.

Hope you’re all doing well.

Oh, and one more thing. I know it’s a bank holiday this weekend, but if you do not need to go outside then please, just bloody stay at home. Thank you.
All my love, Lia x